Jerk Friend of Mine!!

I am mad now, but mad is not an exact word to describe my feeling now. Frustrated? Sad? Feel like being betrayed? I don't know, I guess it's a combination of all gloomy feelings.

I don't have anyone to tell. So I am holding inside these feelings alone. Suffocated? Very much, indeed. It's been 9 days now since the unplanned event! When it all started to these gloomy feelings.

The day started with happy event, followed by hot & not so happy discussion. One thing for sure, I am at fault also for using word 'TUDUH'. But when one is very much in hot topic and not parallel with others mind, the word can appear without you even realize it. Accidentally? Yes.. and without control. I even apologised to that person. Why because, I am at fault also, remember.

Now, the things that I cannot digest and make my days gloomy is the words used by a person that I believe among few people that I've trust and I've love as a dear friend. I really wanted to let go what's kept in my heart right now!

1) Why are you doing this to me?

2) Why are you using hurtful words to me?

3) Why are you provoking me with sensitive matters?

4) Do you not think, things like not being marriage at 30s or no boyfriend at this age can become sensitive when you say it loud in front of people that one is closed by but secrets are not meant to be shared with?

5) Plus in front of the person that I've just apology with? Like what not less than 5 minutes?

6) Apart of all you sound like you don't trust my judgement.. Judgement & decision that make me being a snob? That's what people said to you?

7) Me got promoted & very lucky! Not like everybody else? Do you have any idea how hard to fit in the new position? And they're few times, no most of all time I will be making a decision that is not used in my hand before? Don't you see that will make me 'different'?

8) 'Different'?? In what way? Me still being me, a friend. But when giving an opinion related to work & decision matter, it will be different. Do you have any idea it all base on requirement, procedures & work ethic? And of course there is a time when toleration will be taken into account? But up until what level??

9) Am I being strict??? I am flexible but not all time. It's depend!
Now I am referring to toleration.. up to what level? All the time??

10) And the 2nd best part is..you as act. EO when the real one is not around? Then you should know how hard it is when one's in a new 'shoes'. But you don't. After all you don't have to take action on things like compliance, requirement, port users..am I right?

11) And guess what's the best part? Do you know well our friends that talked behind my back? Yes or No? I guess they must be our close friends oso..right? But do they really know & understand my job well? Ohh how about know me well??? I guess not. TQVM

Whatever it is, I feel better now..tq for being such a jerk friend. For now, yes you are a jerk friend. I will take off the jerk when I am ready!